Last Week Felt Like A Month
Where do I begin?
Am I about to vent? Slightly. Am I about to release and pray someone relates? Always.
We all go through shit, and in the words of my favorites, “You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can’t predict the weather.”
Started the week strong with finding out that a man that I was interested in (for a lack of better words, and that I already knew to be emotionally unavailable - yet I decided to be optimistic about lol) was indeed unavailable, and unavailable because he was actually in a relationship. Shocker! Oddly enough, I was relieved to find out this information because I knew it was never going anywhere, and the part of me that is trying to be better was sick of feeding into my patterns and old habits when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex.
This occurrence led me to a major realization - I’m not even ready for a relationship, I’m simply craving intimacy because I love that shit. I love love and I love having a lover that cannot keep his hands off of me. Not even sexual, but the simple gesture of a hand on my left thigh while driving the car, or the mere touching of toes under the sheets. Absolutely nothing is better. But over the last few years, I’ve had to get real with myself and face the facts, physical touch may be my love language, but physical touch does not equal love.
Tuesday rolls around. It was my first day off in twelve days, and I was determined to make the most of it. I deep cleaned my home, grocery shopped, stayed an extra hour at the gym, spent half the day outside with Aspen, did a whole self care routine and was in the bed with a glazed face by 8pm. Until I heard the dreadful sound of Aspen throwing up. I’ll spare y’all the details for once, but it was a long night and we brought Wednesday morning in on the cold floor of an emergency vet together. Just about the time they rang me up for her services, I get a notification from LA Power & Water saying “Thank you for your payment” with a total of $400. So much for “No Spend September”. For someone who spent three summers in New Orleans, I ain’t never had an electricity bill that high in my life and they picked the right morning, that’s all I can say.
What else, what else? I accepted a full-time position at one of my jobs, and put my two weeks notice in at the other. I’m tired of hustling. I want to focus on few things and spend majority of my time at home or out in nature. Oh, I sliced my thumb open cutting a mango whilst literally talking to someone about how I’ve gotten so clumsy in my thirties. I also started my period at Disneyland on what felt like the hottest Saturday of the summer.
Sunday. Sundays have always been my favorite. For church, for football, for lunch at your grandparents, for mid-day naps, for cleaning the house. Sundays are the superior day.
This particular Sunday, I worked a few hours, had an engagement session with a very cool couple, and the rest of the day to myself by 3pm. Since I was already DTLA, I stopped by my favorite pizza spot, grabbed a slice, and ate it all the way home with nothing on but my bra and Candi Staton giving me good, good advice about letting my heart run free.
Life happens and the worst thing you can do when it does is consider yourself a victim.
I’m at a place in my life where I really stop and think about what I can learn or be grateful for during these trying moments. I take nothing personal, and know that I can only meet people as far as they’ve met themselves. Costly issues often occur when we actually have the money to pay for it, thankfully it’s not the other way around. If a decision feels difficult to make, it’s often because it’s going to change your life. And when all fails, eat goober grape with a spoon on your couch while binging Sex and the City simply because you can.
A playlist for the girls <3 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1b6AayyMxHmu0HxNVZcsCG?si=KCejCFZ6TZmx7dHEiJzsBA