LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN

no tan lines in the desert

I had a hard month and all I needed was some space.

And some sun, and a body of water to lay in.

Turns out I needed to dance in a stranger’s living room with my girlfriends under the Milky Way, too.

So we drove, racing the temperature on the freeway until we met with dirt roads.

Driving through nothing - I feel the most free.

Driving through heat, past crooked smiles, and minutes that feel like miles.

Desert people intrigue me. I see my <future> self in them.

Abandoning all of the hard work and responsibility at a chance to be free.

Waking up and having nothing but no where to be. Rich in time. Rich in sky.

Space is important. Many people go their entire lives without it.

I meet a man at a local wine shop - he left behind his entire life in NYC and moved to the desert to play in a band that has 19 monthly listeners on spotify. He didn’t mind staying open an extra 5 minutes for us.

He’s happy, he’s pleasant, he’s free.

What the hell are we working so hard for? The world is on fire and no one loves thy neighbor anymore.

What the hell are we working so hard for.

Read More
LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN

Last Week Felt Like A Month

Where do I begin?

Am I about to vent? Slightly. Am I about to release and pray someone relates? Always.

We all go through shit, and in the words of my favorites, “You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can’t predict the weather.”

Started the week strong with finding out that a man that I was interested in (for a lack of better words, and that I already knew to be emotionally unavailable - yet I decided to be optimistic about lol) was indeed unavailable, and unavailable because he was actually in a relationship. Shocker! Oddly enough, I was relieved to find out this information because I knew it was never going anywhere, and the part of me that is trying to be better was sick of feeding into my patterns and old habits when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex.

This occurrence led me to a major realization - I’m not even ready for a relationship, I’m simply craving intimacy because I love that shit. I love love and I love having a lover that cannot keep his hands off of me. Not even sexual, but the simple gesture of a hand on my left thigh while driving the car, or the mere touching of toes under the sheets. Absolutely nothing is better. But over the last few years, I’ve had to get real with myself and face the facts, physical touch may be my love language, but physical touch does not equal love.

Tuesday rolls around. It was my first day off in twelve days, and I was determined to make the most of it. I deep cleaned my home, grocery shopped, stayed an extra hour at the gym, spent half the day outside with Aspen, did a whole self care routine and was in the bed with a glazed face by 8pm. Until I heard the dreadful sound of Aspen throwing up. I’ll spare y’all the details for once, but it was a long night and we brought Wednesday morning in on the cold floor of an emergency vet together. Just about the time they rang me up for her services, I get a notification from LA Power & Water saying “Thank you for your payment” with a total of $400. So much for “No Spend September”. For someone who spent three summers in New Orleans, I ain’t never had an electricity bill that high in my life and they picked the right morning, that’s all I can say.

What else, what else? I accepted a full-time position at one of my jobs, and put my two weeks notice in at the other. I’m tired of hustling. I want to focus on few things and spend majority of my time at home or out in nature. Oh, I sliced my thumb open cutting a mango whilst literally talking to someone about how I’ve gotten so clumsy in my thirties. I also started my period at Disneyland on what felt like the hottest Saturday of the summer.

Sunday. Sundays have always been my favorite. For church, for football, for lunch at your grandparents, for mid-day naps, for cleaning the house. Sundays are the superior day.

This particular Sunday, I worked a few hours, had an engagement session with a very cool couple, and the rest of the day to myself by 3pm. Since I was already DTLA, I stopped by my favorite pizza spot, grabbed a slice, and ate it all the way home with nothing on but my bra and Candi Staton giving me good, good advice about letting my heart run free.

Life happens and the worst thing you can do when it does is consider yourself a victim.

I’m at a place in my life where I really stop and think about what I can learn or be grateful for during these trying moments. I take nothing personal, and know that I can only meet people as far as they’ve met themselves. Costly issues often occur when we actually have the money to pay for it, thankfully it’s not the other way around. If a decision feels difficult to make, it’s often because it’s going to change your life. And when all fails, eat goober grape with a spoon on your couch while binging Sex and the City simply because you can.

A playlist for the girls <3 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1b6AayyMxHmu0HxNVZcsCG?si=KCejCFZ6TZmx7dHEiJzsBA

Read More
LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN

Look Both Ways

I’ve been traveling since I was a young girl.

One of my very first memories was traveling to visit family in Guatemala with my mom and Mema. I vividly remember few things: a pet parrot, bathing in a bucket with a water hose, and eating way too many frozen chocolate covered bananas.

I’ve been traveling alone since I could drive a car, legally.

Kids these days will never know the joy of printing out your trip route from Mapquest.. nor will they know the inconvenience of missing an exit and having to reroute yourself without the help from technology. The good days , ha.

Each place I visit allows me to remember that life truly could go so many ways.

I don’t really know what I want to do with my life.

I mean, I know what’s important, I know what makes me happy, and I know what I want from life. That, I know.

I know that spending time with the people I love is very important to me.

I know that traveling, road-trips, and experiencing new places makes me very happy.

I know that taking care of myself, being intentional with my choices, and moving my body is what I need.

I know that nothing makes me feel more alive than dancing alone in my kitchen.

I know that nothing makes me feel more free than swimming in a large body of water on a sunny day.

But as far as “what I want to do with my life”, that is just a constant day dream of possibilities.

Some people know exactly what they want down to the number of kids and color of their picket fence.

Sometimes I do think that may have been an easier route. You know? To make a plan early and stick to it.

I picture my life going in so many ways.

My problem is that I know I could be happy wherever my feet are. It’s not the worst problem to have, I guess.

I know that I could be happy married to a good man with some little rugrats running around that look like me. I know that I could be happy being a single and child-free woman who travels often and can be found in the Mediterranean during the summer.

I’ve lived a thousand lives. I’ve been so many versions of myself. I’ve shed as many parts of myself as I’ve kept. I’m not afraid to shapeshift. I’m not afraid to fall and pick myself up and try again with what’s left over.

I’ve lived in Louisiana, Tennessee, North Carolina, and California. And I’m considering moving to Texas next. I’ve been a nanny, a bartender, a corporate employee, a personal assistant, a housekeeper, and a waitress.

I’ve been single by choice and I’ve been crazy in love. I miss being in love.

At 30-years-old I have finally learned how to properly love myself. Not the face mask and spa day love yourself - but the kind of loving yourself that starts with being so tired of your own shit that you decide to cut the distractions, find some clarity, and actually hold yourself accountable. This involves a lot of self discipline - after all, self discipline is the highest form of self love. I’m not sure who said that but it’s true.

And for someone who has been single for three years, I think I am finally beginning to grasp what it means to be in a relationship with someone else. An actual partnership is the complete opposite of what I’ve ever experienced, and it’s most interesting to me that I realized this by simply being alone.

And while I do appreciate that I can see both sides of the road. It does get hard to choose which way to go.

Oh look, who knew I could even go off on a tangent through typing my words.. only me.

Read More
LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN

Turquoise, True Green 100s, & Midnight Fried Chicken.

Heartbreak.

If you look up the word heartbreak in the dictionary, it is defined as crushing grief, anguish, or distress.

If you ask anyone about heartbreak, they’ll likely tell you about a lying, cheating, son of a gun - that they loved too much.

My first experience with heartbreak was one I’ll never forget. It was the day my Granny died.

Crushing grief was an understatement.

I was 18. My first summer out of high school was closing in, and I was weeks away from my freshman year at Middle Tennessee State. It was a normal day, and I was driving with my boyfriend at the time to go grab a burger from five guys.

Half way to lunch, I received a phone call from my dad asking what I was doing and to pull the car over to talk. And so I did.

He broke the news and it broke my little heart.

She was my best friend, and the last time I had seen her would be the last time I ever saw her again.

With everyday that I grow older, I can’t help but wonder how the only thing missing is her.

I don’t have kids yet but I often grieve that they’ll never experience my granny.

They’ll never get her fried chicken at midnight, or pass her her lighter, or sit on the edge of her couch chair and play silly made up games or go through photo albums with her time and time again.

But lucky for me, I did - and I’ll share the stories.

She would have been 78 today. In two days, she’ll have been gone for 12 years.

I miss you girl. I hope you know that. xx

Read More
LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN

Seasons

Yesterday, as I was walking to my night yoga class, I briefly overheard a conversation between two strangers. What stuck out to me the most was when one said to the other, “You know, I’ve made all of the sacrifices that I thought I was supposed to make and I don’t feel any happier. I don’t understand it.”

I think life would be pretty boring if we understood it before we were meant to. I think we try to understand it through marriages, and by having children, and locking in careers - and that’s not the key to living, though when those things do enter our lives in a divine manner, they make living a much more beautiful experience. Don’t get me wrong.

I am in the season of my life where I am discovering what’s really important to me - what’s important to my soul and honing in on that completely and unapologetically.

Something I've finally come to terms with is that I'm not in a season of creativity.

My entire focus is on bettering myself mentally, physically, and spiritually.

My days look like this: work, gym, spending time in the sun, taking Aspen for long walks, and cooking balanced meals.

And for right now, that is all I want and all I need.

Full transparency: I haven’t picked my camera up in weeks. I have no desire to create.

Have I battled internally with this? Absolutely I have. It’s hard to live in a city such as Los Angeles, where I came to chase a dream, and ultimately put myself before my dream. My nightly thoughts race like this… I should be out networking, everyone is here doing this, and doing that… why am I in bed by 9pm, stay up and work on a moodboard.. why are you not out on the scene making connections.. do you even want this anymore? What do you even want anymore, Laiken?

Isn’t it funny how we exhaust ourselves, sometimes.

Isn’t it funny how we box ourselves in, sometimes.

My good friend Kim told me something that allowed me to finally surrender and understand the season that I’m in. She said, “You’re working on and caring for yourself more than ever now so that when you do enter your next creative season, not only will you flourish in a new way, but because you are taking the time to get your mental right, you are least likely to have a setback.” I cannot even begin to express the relief I felt after hearing that. So thank you, Kim.

It’s true though.

God cannot bless us with what we need until we take care of ourselves at the core and build a strong foundation.

Even when I am not creating, I am still an artist. That’s just who I am, and who I’ve always been.

I recognized very early on that I have always seen life differently - even as a young girl running around the muggy Louisiana countryside in my pawpaw’s oversized tee shirt with a coffee stain on it - I’ve always valued my perspective.

Even without a camera in hand, I am thankful for the way I see life and the way I appreciate the simplicity in everyday living.

We can make all the sacrifices we want, but true fulfillment comes when you surrender, learn to be where your feet are, and water the grass that’s underneath them.

The way I see it is: we’re all just wandering around this floating rock trying to figure out what season we’re in.

My perfect summer playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1ArtnTRvpI91BVIUtvhn4d?si=gUx5zojJQX2lE3aT351Vpg

Read More
LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN

Two Strangers at the Park

I have been craving a good writing session with myself in my sanctuary. For me, this looks like an evening of dimmed lights, burning my favorite candles, and soft background music that allows me the space to think. Sure, I may be able to recreate that environment as I please, but I refuse to force myself to write.

Writing is a sacred form of liberation for me that I tapped into some years ago, and have recently decided to share with y’all, with the world. Writing is form of expression that I never really knew I needed until I began releasing my thoughts in a formed manner. Most of which began in the notes of my iPhone, during a moment where God was merely downloading information quicker than my red painted fingernails could keep up with.

My unsolicited advice for the day:

Always trust yourself and your intuition. It’s the only thing we know for certain.

I had every intention of waking up this morning, grabbing an iced latte from my local spot, and taking Aspen to the beach. I’ve been working on rewiring the way I think about money, so I decided to make coffee at home, and just enjoy a slower morning as opposed to rushing out the door to start my day.

Half way to Malibu, my gut told me to check the weather - because I’ve finally learned that just because it happens to be sunny in LA, it doesn’t mean that the beach won’t be cold and gloomy. And that it was, 50 degrees and partly cloudy - to be exact. Craving a sun-kissed day, I turned the car around and decided that the park sounded like the next best thing.

We find a spot under a couple of palm trees, set up shop, and we’re living the dream at 11:30am on a Friday. (By “we”, I do mean Aspen and I, btw.) Not long after getting comfortable, I hear a voice from a gentleman, asking, “May I join you?”. He was cool and collected, and his salt & pepper hair reassured me that he, too, had some stories to tell under the sun. I had the mental capacity for a conversation with a stranger, and so I invited him to sit down and join us.

Four hours and a strawberry milkshake later, I didn’t regret it.

In the midst of our flowing conversation, a man approaches us and he’s got three cameras hanging on his body. He speaks, “I’m with the LA Times, we’re doing an article on the heatwave and I’d love to take a few candids of you all, and potentially use one in tomorrow’s paper”. I look at my new friend, and we both agree to be photographed. Mind you, I’m in a little red bikini, and he’s not only topless, but noticeably older than I am. So if you see Aspen, and I on the front page of the paper, looking like a couple of sugar-babies - it’s us, grab a copy lol.

One of my favorite things about myself is that I can talk to anyone. I get that from my mama, she’d talk to a wall if it would talk back and I love that she never meets a stranger. You’ll never regret diving into those small moments in time where genuine human connection takes place. That’s the real magic, divine timing.

Follow the light, always.

Laik xo

A playlist that’s old to me, new to you, and has been on repeat all day.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3AMMshSrZdLBhW2w8GhSDK?si=Xd359wDfRuKa9LIvJQ4GpA

Read More
LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN

The L Word

I’ve been thinking a lot about it: love.

For obvious reasons - Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I’m literally reading a book called 8 Rules of Love.

But aside from that, I’ve just been reevaluating what it looks like in my life.

Romantically speaking, I’m somewhat surprised that I haven’t been married and divorced already. I don’t say that lightly, but I love really hard and well, I admit I haven’t had the best track record lol.

Story time. So I’m dating this guy, and at this point we’re both mentally/emotionally checked out of the relationship but respectfully so. We were best friends and had made some life changing memories together, but sometimes you can’t stop the inevitable: growing apart. So dig, Christmas rolls around and he comes over to my crib empty handed. My heart stopped. I immediately thought, there is no way in hell he’s going to propose to me on Christmas Day and if he does, how the hell am I going to say no? Or do I just say yes and figure it out later. I was still a people pleaser at this point in my life and I was freaking out internally. It comes time to open gifts, and he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a gift card. A damn gift card! I thanked God quicker than the moment your pregnancy test shows up negative and that was our last Christmas together.

I think I’ve loved a little bit of everyone I’ve ever been with.

I also watch too many movies and I tend to romanticize everything.

No seriously, I recently took a roadtrip and made an overnight stop in Tucson. I pull into the hotel around midnight, check in, and end up having a beer and conversation with the man at the front desk. He was cute, and we kind of flirted but more like an awkward midnight delusion. I still went back to my room and had a thought like “maybe that’s my soulmate”. I’m crazy I know but I really see the potential in every connection, and don’t believe in coincidences which can be quite the curse as it is the blessing.

I currently have a crush on a man that is the complete opposite of anyone I’ve ever dated. Naturally, I’m telling one of my best friends about it and she then gives me some solid advice. Just enjoy this crush for what it is, a lil crush , she says. Harmless flirting with someone that you see around in your everyday life , whether that be work or the gym or the post office, is literally just making that place a more pleasurable place to be so often.

It’s all about perspective, baby.

Who do I think I am? Carrie Bradshaw? LOL

Happy V-Day,

Laik xo

-

Read More
LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN LAIKEN JOY THIGPEN

Does everything really need a title?

I woke up Monday morning and I decided I was no longer going to be depressed. I was sick of it, and I was sick of sitting in it. I started therapy a couple of weeks ago, and we're still in the "getting to know my therapist so I don't have to repeat my trauma until I find a match" phase. But I really connect with her and two things tell me she's solid: 1. We have the exact same birthday, how could I not love another Sag woman to talk to weekly and 2. She told me, and I quote, "Yes, I can be personable but part of being personable is calling you out on your shit", in a thick Rhode Island accent, which had me sold.

But back to Monday, I woke up feeling refreshed, which for me is more than enough to be grateful for. I slipped into a new two piece workout set, and for the first time in months didn't feel a type of way about who I was looking at in the mirror.

Aspen and I did the morning routine thang, packed a bag for the beach, and headed out early for the day. Living in LA has turned me into an iced coffee girl and my all-time favorite cafe is now right around the corner. Don't get me wrong, I will forever love a shitty cup of coffee, but I will absolutely spend $7 on this particular cup of silky goodness and did just that.

The best things in life are like butter. Sashimi. A good Chardonnay. Chapstick. And an iced coffee.

Ironically, my favorite beach spot is where the opening scene of my favorite movie begins. So as expected, I can't help but visualize Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta as a pair of lovers approaching the end of a summer romance. I live for it.

I've always said I wanted to be a dolphin in another life so that I could swim all day and pop my nose out for an occasional kiss from the sun. But as I watched the pelicans glide right above the ocean, I craved the liberty that comes with flying.

I think I'lI skydive this year.

Last year was one of the best years of my career (Thank you God) yet one of the most stressful years of my personal life. Stress is hell and it will eat you alive if you don't learn to manage it in a way that works best for you. I promised myself that this year would be different and it already has been. I finally came to the realization that who I am as a person is my purpose - not a career, not a relationship, and definitely not a social status - just plain ole me and the things that make me who I am. Getting back to her is the only goal I have this year - everything else will be a cherry on top with gratitude.

If you made it this far, I'm impressed and I hope my random thoughts inspire at least one person.

xo Laik

Currently Playing: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6eerb58yKLhl16f7ZHpGH0?si=Nf3OEtciTfm6IkrWzszoMg

Currently Reading: 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty

Read More